Hold Onto Your Ho Ho Hope
Holidays can be hard for those of us with chronic illness, no matter what you celebrate. You want to keep up with events, people, and celebrations, but many times your body and symptoms don’t allow you to. There’s a general sense that you should be happy and celebratory, but sometimes you just don’t feel like it. In fact, you feel like the exact opposite. Grumpy, in pain, tired from not sleeping. You’re forced to play along with the charade. In all honesty, sometimes the holidays just suck.
I struggle a lot with the holidays, for all of those reasons, plus a few others. I struggle to feel cheery even on the best of normal days, much less a holiday where all the pressure is on. I know that may seem ironic considering that this is called ‘Chronic Positivity,’ but my family can tell you I’m far from positive all the time. And in all honesty, Chronic Positivity has never been about forcing something that isn’t there. It’s just about being real, acknowledging the parts that suck, and trying to find the bits of hope we can even amidst the hard things.
If you resonate with any of this, know that you’re not alone. You will not be the only one at your Thanksgiving table who can’t eat some of the food there because of food sensitivities. You won’t be the only one with an unruly sleep schedule having to force it to comply to family events, getting up early and then having to pay for it. You won’t be the only one sitting with your family and trying to hide the pain or fatigue you feel. You will not be alone, ever, in any circumstance. We are all with you. I’m with you. I hope that this holiday season, you and I can find some things to rejoice in.
You know what my favorite part of the holidays actually is? It’s the Christmas lights. I’m obsessed with fairy lights. I can and do indulge in them all year round, actually. And I think that’s a really good representation of hope in the holiday season. They’re tiny bits of sparkle in an otherwise dark night. I hope that you and I can hold onto that in the coming months ahead.
With all my love and spoons,
— Sky 🌱